Heated Gravel Driveways Tuesday, Jun 26 2007 

i am dancing in my recently-reversed metra seat, inbound from kenosha to chicago, as the steam comes off of the pavement and the cooler, still-damp air gets swept down beneath the heat. i’ve become rather intimate with this commuter train lately, and i keep imagining the train eyeing the same puddles i stare into, becoming gratefully hypnotized by the same pattern of trees. i’ve cried, slept, drooled, inadvertently entangled my foot in the rails of the luggage rack, and gotten dressed for dinner, all in various three-square-foot plots of weirdly polished blue pleather. highlight: putting on stockings between two beefy, balding, polyester business men as they carried on a conversation about college football.

dad was in town for the AHLA annual meeting this weekend, and we went to the art institute party last night for open bar, speed dating, and an assortment of cheeses. there were oversized name-tags with no stickum, meant to be displayed in an enormous, loudly sponsored velcro wallet-necklace contraption. i took my father’s and pretended to be Bob, President, PPSV, which somehow led everyone to believe i was about to finish law school. “no, no, i haven’t finished my undergrad; i’m just in town for the summer, working on publications for a software consulting firm.” a funny man with freckles on his head trailed us around the stock exchange library babbling about annapolis in an attempt to recruit supporters for the university of maryland hospital project. we had dinner by the fountain pool, and i drank a bloody mary with my feet in the water. when i got up, the surface rippled quickly and then glossed over, strangely thick, lapping faintly at the edges like dark blue tempera.

Tempura Talk! Paranormal Edition Tuesday, Jun 19 2007 

i have recently become convinced that the surveyor’s office three doors down from the executive suite is actually a clever front for a collective of vampire hunters. there was a stake shipment received just this morning, and the deliveryman was definitely gristly-looking enough to have about thirty years of slaying experience.

Exhibit A:

vamp
note: ominous nature of weapons, tidiness of presentation.

(word on the streets — when packaging silver bullets, antivampstakes, garlic, dragon bait, and bulk-ordered holy water capsules, zip ties are a good standby. they are reputedly far more effective than other comparably priced binding products.)

seriously losing it. i’m going to go start my fan-fic career.

Highwood Small Fry Ladyfingers Tuesday, Jun 19 2007 

i am on the metra and the man behind me is snoring away in a tightly fitting sailor shirt, his head bobbling around rhythmically on the window. i want to hit him in the forehead with my sandal. sam in underwear was the first thing i saw this morning; i slept on wet hair (danger of dangers) and woke up with a sore throat and an exploded plant on my head. i do not think i presented myself as a happy and well-balanced person at that time. the man just snorted like a congested barnyard animal. american commuter dream.

current agenda: find my red no. 5, locate silk stockings, obtain (1.) office pants for protection from the menopausal-secretary-induced-arctic-shatter-cold, obtain (2.) an office-pants drawer at the office. determine bill eichhorn’s schedule and thus plot my nursemaid houseparty for stephen william henry lasik VIII. coax three or more food offerings out of assistant sue, turning down roughly two-thirds of snack options but providing enough encouragement to stimulate further feeding efforts. find out brand of wheat-free soy sauce. inform maria rojas, professional notary, that my mail will henceforth be delivered to her budget immigration law practice, which is on the ground floor of our building. orchestrate phase II of successful foray into real world.

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